Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Hypocrite

I know the title seems harsh but in my 4 years of parenting I have learned that we are all hypocrites.
Now before you get your panties in a wad let me explain my reasoning.
As always Jakobs birthday nearing makes me nastalgic for the way things were. I am so proud of my big boy but long for those days when he depended on me for everything. So here are the things I find myself being hypocritical with.
Potty training- A year ago this consumed my life. I stayed awake praying to God many nights. "please God just help him go in the potty" at the time it seemed like it took forever. When I look back in normal time it only took 3 weeks. That I think is pretty darn good. So now as my son is quickly approaching 4 years of age he can go to the potty by himself, pull his pants up and down and button and zip them, He flushes and washes his hands. All of these are skills he learned as it seems overnight. But I find myself amazed that we are at this stage. Where did my dependent baby go.

Eating- Remeber those days back when you were shoveling food in your babies mouth and you thought to yourself, "man I wish you could just pick this spoon up and put it in your own mouth"
Now that Jakob does feed himself and clean up after his meals I sometimes long for the dependence on me.


Talking- GOODNESS ME. Does my son love to talk. I remember thinking when he was 2 1/2 that something was wrong with him, verbally. He seemed behind in his verbal skills and I was very worried. Then overnight he became a fast talking, full sentenced, DEMANDING preschooler. Amazing. Now I long for those quiet moments with out a chattery 3 year old.

Dressing- This is a new skill for Jakob but once again he has picked it up so quickly. I remember trying to put clothes on a wiggly toddler and it taking what seemed like an eternity to put a t shirt and jeans on. Now he doesnt even need my help. :(

Seperation Anxiety- Jakob had a severe case of this from the time he was born to just about his 3rd birthday. Now seemingly over night he can pretty much be dropped off any where and with anyone and has no problem. I remember when he was a baby and we would drop him off at church in the nursery, when we picked him up the poor caregiver would look at us with this increadible look of sympothy and would say: "he screamed the whole time. The whole hour."
How is this possible. I suppose it was because he loved us so much. Now he is a secure almost 4 year old who loves being dropped off at school and sunday school and never looks back to make sure I am there. :(

So the point I am trying to make is this. When your baby is a baby you long for those times when they become more independent. You cant wait till they can talk, Eat, Dress, Potty. But then when those moments come you cant help but feel a little loss. It becomes very clear that your no longer Depended on for basic needs. But you will always be depended on for the love and affection that only a mother can give. And this is what I hold on to. I now just have to remember that this is all a part of life and there will be moments along the way where he will amaze me and I will be so excited for his future and then other times I will long for him to be completely dependent on me.


** Sorry if there are a ton of misspelled words. Spell check isnt working.

3 comments:

Dauphine Twin's said...

Way to go you succeded in making me cry. Like that is real hard to do. He will always be your little boy no matter what.

Kim said...

I don't think of that as hypocritical... just normal feelings for a mother. Just like when he's in his late 20's and you still think of him as your little boy... it's all just natural.

Jenn & Kevin said...

Awww...that was ont of the sweetest posts. He has grown up so much in just the short year I have known you. I remember the potty training. You were so worried!